The Wipe Revenge: A Roll to Die For
C.A. Baynam
Baynam Books Press, 2025
Ebook, 67 ppg.
ISBN-13: 979-8309204045
Nobody ever suspects an inanimate object like toilet paper ever taking revenge on us mere mortals who rely on it to keep us clean. That is, until you start thinking about the horror we all went through in early 2020, when people started hoarding the stuff. That’s what sets the quest for revenge in action in The Wipe Revenge: A Roll to Die For by C.A. Baynam.
This story is all in good fun – or so you might think!
The beginning of this comedic take on TP getting revenge on the hoarding shopper took me right back to 2020 – like, at the beginning of the pandemic! That’s right: The toilet paper wars! Reading this part of the story brought it all back!
I was fortunate in never having to witness actual people fighting over toilet paper at the stores when the pandemic broke, but I know all too well what it was like to see all of those bare shelves.
And to come across The Very Last package of TP!
You would think it was the Holy Grail, just as one lone roll of TP in a store is seen as a Holy Grail itself by two women hell-bent on getting their hands on it! In fact, they were ready to go to war. I howled with laughter as one of them was described as “One was a soccer mom in yoga pants and a hoodie that said “Live, Laugh, Love” but whose face currently screamed, “Kill, Maim, Hoard.”
And once a Chihuahua From Hell latched onto that coveted roll of toilet paper and started shredding it as though it was a stuffie, I cried out in anguish, “Oh, no! Not the toilet paper!”
But it turned out I had nothing to fear, for this was not any ordinary kind of toilet paper! It was DEMONIC toilet paper! It was POSSESSED toilet paper! It was the kind of toilet paper fed up with EVERYONE’S literal shit and fed up with being fought over tooth and nail by the people who couldn’t get enough of it to hoard.
The toilet paper fighting back was a surprise – especially with how exactly it was able to do so!
I also laughed during one scene when, as two characters are trying to figure out how the toilet paper is able to multiply, another one with them screams, “Toilet paper math makes no fucking sense.” Well, somebody had to say it.
While there were people who weren’t taking this whole situation seriously, there were also people who witnessed the carnage of rolls of toilet paper attacking and killing people. Those are the ones who decide to fight back, and I loved the motley crew put together that storms an army of TP to destroy every single roll.
A story of bizarre adventure and unimaginable murder, The Wipe Revenge by C.A. Baynam made me laugh, squirm and shudder all at the same time! And I wasn’t even sitting on a toilet for other purposes when that happened! This book is definitely the kind of story that would make a reader start feeling paranoid at that seemingly innocent roll of toilet paper in their bathroom. It’s planning the right time to attack. For now, it is waiting … and watching.
Five stars
Disclaimer: I received a complimentary copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.
